Learning to Learn Skills to Increase Independence

There are prerequisite skills needed for a solid foundation for social, emotional, behavioral, and academic success at school. In the ABA world, these skills are commonly known as "Learning to Learn Skills.

We often forget to teach them or to teach them well enough. Yes, as parents and educators, we have gazillion things to teach our children. However, it's important to try to take the time to teach foundational skills, so they can learn other things easier.

Here are some of the important learning-to-learn skills:

• Following individual directions
• Following group directions
• Following routines
• Waiting
• Communicating wants and needs
• Responding to name
• Choice making
• Completing tasks
• Tolerating denied access

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Following Individual Directions

Your child can follow directions/instructions directly given to them. It’s essential to get this skill strong. Without this skill, your child will have difficulty following other directions independently, such as group direction or following routines at school.

• Start with 1-step directions first, then move on to 2-step directions, and then to even more complex ones.
• Celebrate each progress and success. And celebrate both your child and yourself because it is progress and success for both of you. 
• Pair with prompt cards if needed. You can create your own prompt cards, or you can buy a set of 

prompt cards.

• Your son sits on the couch. You’re about 5 feet away. You give direction “Come here, Jack” and make a gesture for him to come to you.
• The first couple of times, your husband needs to prompt him by gently holding his shoulders and walking him to you. You praise him, “Good job coming to mommy,” and give him a reward that he likes (E.g., Small treat, tickle, hug, etc.).
• The next couple of times, your husband squats eye level to Jack and points to you. Jack walks on his own to you. You praise him, “Good job coming to mommy,” and give him a reward. 
• Once he seems to get it more, aim for him to come to you on his own. You praise him and give him a reward when he does. You can also then increase the distance and even giving him the direction from another room.

Following Group Directions

Your child can follow directions/instructions given to them, plus at least one other person. This can be taught at home even now during the current school closure.

You can ask other family members or friends to be a part of this teaching. Involve the sibling(s), the other parent, grandma/grandpa, uncle/aunt, and/or cousin. Basically, whoever else lives with you and your child. If you don’t have anyone else at home during this time, and it’s safe enough to do so, ask your child’s friends, your friend’s children, your neighborhood children.

• Let's say you're teaching this skill to your 5-year-old son. You ask his 7 years old sister to be part of this teaching. You pretend to play as if it's school time, and everyone needs to sit on the rug for some instruction time.
• You start the practice by asking them to come to the rug. You can then practice by asking things that you think they might ask at school, such as "clap your hands," "touch your head," "stand up," "turn around," and "sit back down."
• When your son follows on his own, you give him a star on his star chart and praise such as "Good job coming to the rug." If he doesn't, his sister or you can help (prompt) him. 
• You can create your own chart, purchase such as this magnetic token board, or make your own such as this token board. 
• And let's not forget to praise or reward our helper.

Following Routines

Our children thrive on routines. Routines promote predictability which make things more positive for them and lower anxiety. Lower anxiety leads to less maladaptive behaviors. And this goes for both home and school.

Yes, some families like the idea of having structured homes with lots of predictability, while other families prefer a more flexible lifestyle. And that is okay. Choose which routines will most likely be the most helpful for your family.

And yes, some children might become so attached to certain routines, that they become upset at any change. It is helpful to help them develop a little bit of flexibility. Use easy-to-use visual support such as this set of charts for the morning, afternoon, and evening schedules. So instead of them memorizing the routines in their head, they learn instead to follow what you have put on the schedule. It helps when we use pictures especially for the younger ones, or for our children who can't read well.

Morning routine can include waking up, getting dressed, making bed, eating breakfast, washing face, brushing teeth, and going to the desk ready for today’s online class.

Afternoon routine can include coming back home from the daycare, taking a shower (Yup, it is pandemic time, so extra hygiene is probably helpful), getting dressed, snacks and tv/game time.

Night routine can include turning the tv/game off, eating dinner, putting pajama on, flossing and brushing teeth, reading a book with mom or dad, and turning the light off.

Waiting

Waiting is an essential life skill, and it can also be one of the most difficult to learn successfully. Any child may have trouble waiting. For a child with special needs, in particular, the abstract concept of time can be especially difficult to grasp. Pair with prompt cards if needed.

• You want your son to learn to wait for his chicken nuggets at the table without whining. First, find out how long he can already do it. Let's say he can wait for about 30 seconds before he starts whining. So now, your next target is for him to wait for 45 seconds.
• You stand by the kitchen counter with the food. You say, “wait.” You have a timer as a visual support/prompt. When he waits nicely for 45 seconds, you give the praise “Good job waiting” and a couple of chicken nuggets. If he whines before the end of 45 seconds, you restart the timer and tell him, “Try again, let’s wait.”
• Gradually, you can increase the length of time once he seems okay with the current target.

Communicating Wants and Needs

For children with limited ability to communicate, it’s best to focus on functional communication. It’s called “functional” because it doesn’t just teach our children to memorize and label items for just the sake of memorizing and marking. Instead, it focuses on using words, signs, or pictures to get needed or desired things or activities such as food, toy, bathroom break, and break from the task.

This is an essential skill to teach. When children don’t have a way to communicate wants and needs, they might use other means to get what they need and want, such as engaging in maladaptive behaviors.

There are many ways to communicate. Look at what your child tends to gravitate towards or can use. Devices such iPad are now widely used as an Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) device to help our children who have speech or language limitations. It also helps to use prompt cards.

Let’s say your daughter can use some verbal language. She wants her iPad. You say “iPad” and hold the iPad out of reach from her. If she says the word or attempts to use it, praise “Good job asking for your iPad” and then give her the iPad. If there is no response, repeat it two more times, then give her the iPad. If there continues to be no attempts or success, try teaching her to sign or use a picture of an iPad.

Responding to Name

Your child can show that they understand when someone is calling. The response can vary. It can be a verbal response (E.g., Answering "I'm here," making a comment, etc.) or non-verbal (E.g., Nodding the head, shaking the head, coming towards you, etc.).

It's important, though, to rule out any possibility of a hearing problem. Talking to your child's doctor is the best way to check. You can also check at home, such as by comparing your child's response to their name being called and you saying their favorite item (E.g., "I have your chocolate chip cookie," etc.), in the same volume and tone of voice. However, please do check with the doctor with any suspicion of a hearing problem to be sure.

Choice Making

This is a skill of making a decision. It's teaching them how to assess (Which one do I want here?), decide (Okay, I want this one), and communicate (I am letting you know that this is the one I want). It can give our children a sense of control, and that their choices matter.

Anyone is capable of making choices or capable of being taught to make choices:

• You can ask, “Which dessert do you want?” and your child answers, “That pink cupcake.” 
• You can put options in front of your child, ask your child to pick the one he likes, and he picks one. 
• You can use 

pictures or a picture photo book.  Ask your child which one he wants, and he points to the picture or gives the picture to you. 

Completing Tasks

Our children can complete an activity/task (E.g., A Math sheet with 10 problems, one coloring page, watch a video, and then answer given questions related to that video, sweep the floor, wash dishes, etc.).

Our children can get very easily distracted, especially for something they don't really want to do in the first place.

So, we do need to make it more motivating for them:

• We can use "First (the non-preferred task), then (a more preferred/rewarding one)" by writing it down on a piece of paper or 

whiteboard. 

• We can break down the task into smaller steps and praise along the way, plus give a reward at its completion. When breaking down steps, write it down for those who can read or use pictures for not quite a reader yet.
• We can also reduce the number of demands, such as requiring our children to complete half of the page of work instead of the whole page.

Tolerating Denied Access

Many children display problem behaviors when they are told "no." A lot of times, we don't mean to encourage these behaviors. However, when we are waiting in the checkout line, and our children start screaming when we say "no" to the candy request, it's a lot easier (aka a lot less embarrassing and exhausting) to just give in. Our children then learn the "secret" to get what they want. So, for many of us, this might not be so easy to teach. However, this is essential. 

It's also essential for our children to know how to identify their feelings and cope. And it's easier to start teaching this at home than when we are out and about in the community. It's easier to teach this when our children are 7-year-old than when they are 18-year-old.

• Using a 

timer tends to help as a visual cue. Let’s say your son asks to go to the park. You need 10 minutes before you go with him. Use the timer and put it on for 10 minutes. 

• Use the “First…then…” card. Let’s say your daughter wants ice cream. You want her to change clothes first. You tell her, “First, change your clothes, then you can have the ice cream.”
• Use 

reward chart. Let’s say you want to teach your son to tolerate you saying no to getting candy when you go to the store. Every time he tolerates not getting candy, he gets one star. Once he gets 3 stars, he gets money to buy candy the next time you go to the store. When doing something like this, you do want to increase the opportunity to practice in the beginning. So maybe, go to the grocery store 3 times that week to practice this skill, not actually do grocery shopping. It’s a lot of work. However, once this skill is mastered, it will save you so much time and energy down the road.

Spending the time to teach these skills at home will be beneficial for your child and family now and down the road.

Create consistency and more opportunities to teach these skills by working with your child's teacher and anyone else working with your child.  If you child has an IEP, talk to his IEP team to see if these skills can be part of the IEP goals.  The more your child practices a skill, the faster the skill gets mastered.

This might also be helpful to you: "Visual Supports in the Home".

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